Winks from Heaven
Well since my last post, I’ve experienced yet another devastating loss. I was not surprised, I was even expecting the loss - just not the way it happened. Our sweet old lab, Henry Truman, was 13 1/2. Sadly he tragically lost his life in our very driveway. He couldn’t get out of the
way of a delivery truck soon enough. It was awful, but in those moments of shock and sadness I was surrounded by people who loved me. Dear neighbors came running and were with me within moments. Sweet Henry didn’t suffer long and I was grateful to be with him. But this loss seemed to rip the bandaid off the previous recent losses. I was starting to feel like myself again - and then…
Loss is a part of life. And lately, it’s been a big part of mine. But I’m not alone in it. And I’m finding the beauty from the ashes. I’m discovering that grief is a process of taking that person (or dog) into your heart - really incorporating all of who they were to and for you. Some of its painful to do, but most of it feels to me like a journey of discovering new parts of myself through them, and the memory of them.
And I’ve felt really close to them grieving this way. Sometimes I know they’re right there. They even wink at me from Heaven. My mom shows up as 11:11. Christopher is an owl. I'm sure if you think about it - you get "winks from heaven" too. Little coincidences that seem just too perfect to be happenstance. These little signs give me comfort and hope. Hope that we will be together again one day.
The house is so quiet without the click clack of toe nails on the wood floor. I miss Henry’s random bark of “hey! Where are you!?” His full water dish. His empty bed…
I don’t mean to be a downer - but I feel that sitting in the harder feelings for a moment longer than is comfortable is how we move toward healing. I’m healing through the sharing of the loss. We all, every one of us, will experience it, and through the recognition of the pain and loss in one another we can connect on a truly human and intimate way. We need more of that right now.
I thank Henry for the unconditional love that he showed me, our family and everyone he met. He was a sweet ray of sunshine and he will be greatly missed.
See you over the rainbow bridge little man, and until then - send me a wink or two.